Lung spasms & A Great Big Old Belly

ugly reminders…I’m 99% negative & a beer hound. I live stressed,depressed,fearful,anxious,& worried. I’m never happy & I never feel good. So many times I sit here or there & gasp hard to breathe. A trip to the bathroom nearly kills me…& this is a small house. Hah! 51 & already chatting about sickness,pains,& medicine. 

Mix in the husband’s daily rages…Bret running the streets with those idiots…6 naps a day…living as a hermit…I’m alive & yet dead. Strangers stare at me with curious expressions. What are they seeing…an abused woman that has given up? Worthless trash? Sadness? Do they pity me or wish I’d vanish like flushed toilet paper? Do they see death? 

Soon it will be beer-thirty…& vodka. This hermit is ready to get boozy. 

beautiful-fallen-angel

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gaming fulltime

Its my therapy,my escape,my drug. Its fun & its all I have. I’m talking car racing games,mostly Need For Speed games. I’m a hermit…I need something to pass the time. In between gaming I am napping…6 naps a day. 

My naps dreams are getting interesting,but 6 naps a day are taking a heavy toll on health. I am weaker than ever & can barely function. I do manage to study & use the LOA daily. My dreams are alive. I’ve not given up. 

darkness3

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Lost Another Great Book

It was about creating money…1 of my favorite books. Its in my bedroom somewhere…buried under trash…I suppose. When you have as many books as I do you are going to lose a few. I lost count of how many I’ve lost & misplaced. 

I sleep with books,journals,& ink pens on my bed. Some of em get kicked off during the night. I don’t bother gathering what fell on the floor right away. It might be 3 months later when I decide to gather stuff from off the floor. By that time some stuff is gone forever or deeply buried. Smiling Teacher Carrying Textbooks and Apple

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Last Night Was A Nightmare

I was awaken by the old man raging around 2 in the morning. I got out of bed to find out what the fool was barking about. All the lights in the house was on. Both my sons were awake & greatly concerned. The old man stood in the hall commanding we all out the lights & get to bed. 

My youngest son informed me there was huge cockroaches flying all over the kitchen & 1 was in the living room & highly active. I stopped in the kitchen doorway…cockroaches were flying everywhere & many more were on the walls & counter & even the floor.  It was like being in a horror movie. 

This old shack hasn’t been renovated since 1970. It has a history of containing multitudes of roaches & spiders. It was years later when a neighbor gave us the grim history of the house. By that time we were stuck & had no possible way to move out. We remain stuck here with the roaches,spiders,& crumbling foundation. 

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My Health Report

Its in the red…high blood pressure,lung spasms,bloated belly,allergies,6 naps a day,can’t sleep at night,lower back hurts,hips hurts,knees hurt,heart pounds & races,depression,anxiety,fears,phobias,vision problems,problems with my teeth,severely bloated & swollen all over,great difficulty walking or even moving,terribly hard to breathe,gasping hard to breathe,dizzy spells,arthritis,100 pounds overweight…getting worse each day…a 3 on the scale of 1 to 10. 

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Daily Struggles

To get in & out of the bathroom in this old shack…squeeze yourself along the wall to get past the big hole in the floor. 

Watch where you walk in this shack…don’t want to get hurt or killed. Navigate carefully passed the tricky spots.

Watch & protect your food & drinks. This old shack came with a massive roach & spider infestation,along with a crumbling foundation,along with the city insisting on condemning the house. We were desperate for a place to live & that’s why we are here,8 years later. We can’t afford another rental & our credit is terrible.

Hungry? Microwave some kind of microwave slop,cuz we don’t have a stove.  Microwave foods are disgusting,cepts for Jimmy Dean Breakfast bowls…delicious. 

Young female is writing notes and planning her schedule.

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Stupid Bastard On A Game Forum

Asshole trying to start shit with me. I was going to retaliate…or defend myself…but nope…the nasty idiot can simply fry in hell. 

I hate those flunkies on that forum…worthless cyber-bullies. I fought with those pukes in the past…NO MORE…but I will post on the forum as much as I want. 

Ass clowns hate me cuz U spent real money on the game & have cars & mods they will never have. Jealous snotty nosed brats. 

The stupid bastard today be bringing up the past to get a fight going. I almost retaliated. I still want to. Gah,I hate that son of a bitch. Forgive my strong language. 

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