Gratitude On This Freezing Cold Night

The house might be a shack,but its warm inside…central heat sure feels good. Being inside this old deteriorated house,nice & warm,is most certainly superior to living homeless in the icy cold. We will sleep toasty warm on this bone freezing night & all the way through winter. We are a family of 4 & we are blessed.

Our beds are broken,but that is much better than sleeping on the cold asphalt or in a crowded shelter. Our tummies are full. All is well. So much gratitude tonight as the temps dips to freezing. We will be snuggly warm in our broken beds,but they are comfy to us. Much better in a warm shack than an icy cold cardboard box or on cots in a shelter. Thank you,my Abba Daddy,for the many blessings.

 

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Chasing Dreams At My Age

I am 51…my dreams should’ve come true many upon many years ago.  Here I am…penniless,living as a hermit in an old rental shack,with a man I hate. He’s an abusive old bastard. I am nothing & nobody…I exist. Dammit,I’ve only got 50 years left…if that. 30 years is more realistic. Whatever…aren’t I to damn old to be chasing dreams?!

The stink of decay is unbearable. This old house needs to be condemned already.  Oh,but I am supposed to manifest BIG DREAMS inside this shack. At my age I should own a decent house in a decent neighborhood…I should have enough money to live comfy,at peace,safe,& secure. I should own a brand new car. I should be settled & enjoying life.

We are so poor when we go into Lowe’s or Home Depot its like being in an amusement park. Everything we have is old & broken. We freak out on modernization. There are dogs & cats living superior to us.

At my age I don’t feel motivated to start chasing my dreams. As I see it…I’ve already missed the boat. Besides,I don’t know how to get rich. I am money-illiterate.

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Another Letter To God

Its 7 in the morning,Father. I sit here at the dining room table surrounded by creepy reminders this is hell & human beings shouldn’t be living in it. I look around & want to escape. I want to gather my sons & leave forever,but we don’t have the money to move to a decent house. There are no rentals in our price range. We can’t buy a house…our credit is horrible. I can’t work…I’m handicapped. We’d need to be rich to move into a decent house. I don’t know how to get rich. I don’t know to make money. I am money-illiterate.

We’ve been living in this old house for over 7 years,Father. Living here is unsafe & dangerous. I don’t know why you ignore me when I ask for help. Forgive me,but I feel like you’re ignoring me…like you don’t want to help us.  In the past you never failed to help us & make a way out.  Why is it different this time? Waiting could be the death of us,Father.

It has gone way to far & gone on far to long. With you,Father,all things is possible…nothing is to difficult. You can make a way where there is none. You own all the gold & silver. Don’t leave us here to die. Hasten to help us.

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McDonalds Gift Card

We got it today. The old man ordered more food than he could eat. He always takes unfair advantage of a good thing. 1 combo meal wasn’t enough,he ordered 2 & ordered everything extra large. He ordered enough food to feed 3 people. My sons & me ordered a combo meal each. The old man is a free-loader…selfish & greedy.

Its been a hell week…cold food. The old man won’t buy a microwave oven.  Cold food is disgusting & doesn’t fill you up. I needed enough money on that gift card to buy lunch for my sons & me tomorrow. There’s 3 bucks left on the card & jeremy has 3 bucks. Sonics has 50 cents corn dogs tomorrow,so we will have lunch after-all. We’ve learned how to find enough money to buy fast food. We shop from the dollar menu.

We’ve ordered pizza & paid for it with pennies. When you are poor & all the money is hidden you learn how to find enough money to buy fast food & pizza.  You learn to be resourceful. You find strengths you never knew you had.  Poverty makes you strong & tough. You become a fighter,a survivor,wise & undefeated.

Angel_by_pixievamp

 

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An Idea Is Given

After tossing & turning all night an idea was given to me as soon as my feet touched the floor…a 3 week challenge…quoting God’s promises to my empty purse & something that represents health. God’s words are living & active & sharper than a 2 edged sword. Add prayer, a Pray Rain Journal,& visualization…it just might be a success.

For 3 weeks I’d be reading God’s promises to my empty purse & something that represents health. Write a page or more in my Pray Rain Journal. Visualize my ideal life as often as possible. Pray God’s promises. Its the brightest idea I’ve received in a mighty long time. 4 activities to do daily for 3 weeks. I am considering it.

promises

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Satan & His Demons

That’s what my Mom was preaching about tonight on FB chat. I don’t share her beliefs. I was raised to believe God is a mean old man,punishing us for our sins. It was always about sins & hell…punishment. Poverty was a virtue & wealth would send you to hell. It was about being perfect & sinless. The only things you could pray for was spiritual things. Its no wonder I have a shallow,cold,distant relationship with God.

fairies18

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Food & Eating

That’s something most people take for granted. Its a normal thing…natural. In my family food is almost godlike & a big part of our lives is centered on Food & eating. No,not cause we are fat & eat a lot. We are very poor. We don’t have a stove or microwave oven. We live on cold cuts,cold cereal,cold soup,& cold beans…cepts for the 3 times a week when we dine out…fast food. Every week we ration the food we have to make it last all week. This means we are almost always hungry.

We do have a griddle,but we have no space available to use it. The kitchen is really small & that’s a big griddle. So cold foods it is.

www.miguelsolorzano.com.  Fried Chicken

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