I awoke from my nap earlier & didn’t feel strong enough to get out of bed. I lay there on my back…something I shouldn’t do…I can’t breathe that way…it causes me to strangle. When the strangling started I managed to sit on the edge of the bed,facing my book shelf. I spotted my Grandmother’s bible…now mine…a gift to me from my mother to me. I noticed my other Catholic bible…another gift from my mother. I scanned my books for my Living bible…didn’t see it. I noticed several bible promise books I didn’t know I had & thought they looked interesting. I noticed my stack of blank journals…never been written in…& thought I won’t be needing a new journal for ages to come. I also wondered when I will start writing again.
I used to take breaks from the internet to do my journaling.read,& work on Laws Of Attraction projects. I miss that. I gave it up after getting my laptop. I don’t have to share it & I keep it on the dining room table. Hah,I’m right next to the kitchen…food & drinks. I’m spoiled.
I do love to read,but it makes me sleepy,especially when I read in bed. Journaling is something I can get carried away with. I love handwriting…ink pen & paper…not a care,just writing free & independent. That’s my time,my therapy,my safe place,my Zen garden. Its the only time I feel alive & can relive my youth through playful creativity & my vivid & pure imagination. I must go back to journaling. Miracles,manifestation,& magic happens in the sacred pages of my journal & in my unrestricted imagination. I really can think & grow rich.
Posted in blogging, laws of attraction, spiritual
Tagged abundance, books, create, faith, feelings, fun, gratitude, imagine, journal, manifestation
Why does it seem most churches discourage & even condemn prosperity,while praising poverty & failure? With their poverty mentality they judge the prosperity preachers as being of the devil,rich,greedy sinners headed straight for hell. Ignorant,blind,deaf bastards & bitches they are…fighting to keep people poor,needy,& lowly. Herd the flocks away from those preachers that are teaching us how to be prosperous & even rich.
Me & my family are poor. We live in a deteriorated 1959 rental house. We sleep on broken beds…no stove,no fridge,no washer & dryer…the furniture we have,which isn’t much,is broken & old. Our closest thing to luxury is my laptop. Bills can’t be paid & services get disconnected. It takes 8 years to save up enough money to go on vacation. We get into terrible fights over money & prices. I own 2 old outfits,only 2. I see poverty as being the curse & of the devil. There’s no virtue in poverty.
Our latest sadness & anger is that our old desktop computer on is its last chip…its about to be history. We can’t afford to replace it. This means we will be using my laptop…taking turns. It’ll be Christmas when we can buy another laptop. 1 of us will have to use our Christmas money to buy the second laptop.
Today I am angry & sad…feeling poverty devouring every fiber of my being. We’ve been poor well over 17 years. Will it ever end?
Posted in blogging, Family, food, health, spiritual
Tagged abuse, death, depression, fear, house, lack, poor, poverty
For dinner I had chili,chicken nuggets,vanilla pudding,& mini Kit Kat bars. I never ever eat that much. I always eat 1200 or less calories a day. That reminds me…you see or hear tell of a fat person,& you think she/he eats huge amounts of food,& that might be true in some cases,but not in all cases. Sometimes its a medical condition causing the obesity & other times what looks like fat is actually bloat & swelling.
I really & actually don’t need a strict diet. I think I need to detox & do a colon cleanse…& stop drinking beer & all alcohol beverages. I need to exercise. If I had a stove & fridge I could eat healthier & more nutritious foods. I stopped drinking regular sodas a few months ago.
Microwave food is terrible for your body. It has no nutrition. Its loaded with sodium & preservatives. Live on that garbage…you’ll live a short life. A lot,if not most of my bloat & swelling is caused from eating microwave foods. Its my face & belly that are bloated,swollen,toxic,& polluted. Microwave foods don’t taste good…they are disgusting! If I had a stove & fridge I’d never again eat microwave foods.
Posted in blogging, diet, food, health
Tagged fat, food, health, obese, overweight, pain, polluted, sick, swollen, toxic
I guess it was somewhere in December of 2013 when I started this blog. Its my 1st time being totally honest & truthful on the internet. This is who I really am…me,myself,& I. I’m not sure why I made this blog public,cuz in all ways it is very private. I’ve shared things here that I’ve never shared with anyone,not even my family. It has been therapy releasing feelings & thoughts I’ve kept deep inside for years.
I had thought I’d be attacked for being so brutally honest,for coming out in the public with my confession…I’m not the sexy young beauty with a fancy sports car. Telling it like it really is has been frightening,but has also set me free. I don’t need to pretend & hide. I don’t need to paint a lovely picture. I am passed that. Maybe I am finally growing up…naw,lol.
I had my glory days in the 80s & 90s. My beauty has faded away along with my youth & that petite figure that had the guys drooling. I won’t even get into the ways in which I wrecked my health.
Its good to be me…the real,true,honest me. I’m not proud of neglecting,hating,& abusing myself for years. My life was created by me. I am laying in the bed I made.
Posted in blogging, diet, Family, health, relationships, spiritual
Tagged abuse, books, depression, feelings, health, ideas, imagine, journal, life, pain, sick, thoughts, write