It started with extreme allergies & high fever & ended up with violent stomach pains & vomiting. To add to my suffering the old man had a rage over a dollar. I was in unbearable pain & the old fool was raging hard,barking about being the bread winner,the only one working…crowing about how hard he works. I often think about the movie,Burning Bed,& it makes me smile.
I will eat nothing but bread & rice the rest of the week. I need a break from eating that microwave slop. Tomorrow I will griddle toast…oh yes! I can’t eat nothing tonight,cuz my belly is hurting. It was so bad I was suicidal. Naw,I’d never kill or harm myself. I wanted the pain to stop.
Posted in blogging
Tagged abuse, death, depression, fear, feelings, life, pain, sick, stomach pains, thoughts, unbearable pain
I couldn’t sleep & my thoughts were as hyper as a 3 tear old on a sugar fix. Its times like that I wish I could turn off my thinking cap. My thoughts are rarely positive & mostly disturbing.
I tossed & turned until I was stiff & angry. I got the urge to clean up my headphones & listen to some subliminals. Of course I am to lazy. I got up & went to the dining room to start my long & painfully boring day. My gross environment tells me we have to get out of here. Now is the acceptable time.
Checked my blogs & was embarrassed…I have 11 of em. Being a hermit I do a fairly decent job keeping my blogs updated. Its pitiful. Its sad. I merely exist. I am nothing & nobody. It often burns like a hot branding iron,the way God ignores me & my family,while blessing others. My prayers go unanswered…help never arrives.
Posted in blogging, Family, health, laws of attraction, spiritual
Tagged abuse, blog, depression, fear, feelings, hate, pain, thoughts, write
I can have griddle toast this week. I am done with microwave foods. The old man keeps spewing excuses for not buying a fridge. The gross microwave foods bloats & swells me. Griddle toast with coffee…delicious! If it weren’t so late I’d griddle me some toast.
It started when I looked at pictures of family & kin at Facebook. They all live in terrific houses & are living the good life,while me & my family flounders helplessly in poverty…living in an old shack in the ghetto. All of them are happy & healthy. I am glad for them,but it hurts knowing me & my family are the shame & disgrace. We are like lepers. We are the black sheep. Hah,even God ignores us. We are the outcast…the forsaken…abandoned…left to suffer & die.
I awoke from my nap feeling suicidal,craving change. My life is so painfully boring. I live on the internet…that’s my life. That’s why I create multiple blogs,cuz I need change…something new & different. I watch movies & guzzle beer to escape. All damn day I am back n forth between Facebook & blogging. I eat disgusting foods. I nap. I have a car,but I don’t have gas in it & I don’t have money. There are 3 cars out there…no gas in any of them. The old man makes sure all 3 cars are on empty & he makes sure there is no money in the house.
Speaking of the old man…he’s 60 today. I remain stunned that karma has never kicked the abuser’s ass. My Mom defends the idiot & blames me for the abuse. She says I’m a bad wife…says I should accept the abuse & not complain…says I should obey the creep,worship,& serve him. Nope & NEVER! I’ll be damn if I am going to have relations with the idiot that has abused my sons & me for over 17 years & continues abusing us. He hates us & has wished for me to die.